I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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