youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
