So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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