Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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