she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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