we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
