my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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