I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
