you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
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I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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