Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
