If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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