Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
