he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
