at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.