your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.