she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge