Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
