Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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