he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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