is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
