Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
