i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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