i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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