After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
