she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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