I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
