Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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