so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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