Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your cock deserves a montage
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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