he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
