i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
