What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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