I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
