just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
