its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
