i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
