I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
