I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
