Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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