I murdered the dance floor call the cops
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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