I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
