There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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