I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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