I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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