I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
