Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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