You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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