Soap is not a condiment
do herpes really smell.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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