Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I touched a dick in church today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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