How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
