I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.