But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
