I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America