Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm

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  (650): Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm http://tfl.nu/tho2
  Replies (19) Good night (1606) Bad night (835)
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  (510): View more from California

  It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...

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  (510): It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house... http://tfl.nu/3wgf
  Replies (6) Good night (3530) Bad night (694)
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  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (993) Bad night (6940)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.

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  (253): thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever. http://tfl.nu/km2f
  Replies (4) Good night (3166) Bad night (856)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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  (330): Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her? http://tfl.nu/1j07
  Replies (12) Good night (4420) Bad night (1379)
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  (559): View more from California

  Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.

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  (559):Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination. http://tfl.nu/eipz
  Replies (5) Good night (1795) Bad night (761)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.

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  (403): I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable. http://tfl.nu/k33a
  Replies (5) Good night (1804) Bad night (566)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight

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  (816): the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight http://tfl.nu/st8j
  Replies (3) Good night (1807) Bad night (416)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.

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  (905): This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick. http://tfl.nu/xvkz
  Replies (2) Good night (907) Bad night (348)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.

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  (816): Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort. (913): Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine. http://tfl.nu/1agk
  Replies (1) Good night (813) Bad night (374)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.

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  (306): I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck. http://tfl.nu/lhcb
  Replies (0) Good night (683) Bad night (338)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.

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  (860): Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's. http://tfl.nu/hm4e
  Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (260)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.

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  (210): It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings. http://tfl.nu/yuk8
  Replies (0) Good night (526) Bad night (286)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do

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  (616): Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do http://tfl.nu/yi0d
  Replies (5) Good night (1275) Bad night (396)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different

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  (518): Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different http://tfl.nu/lb6s
  Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (331)

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