end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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