fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?