Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.