Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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