I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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