yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
