Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
