You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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