I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
