i already hear my dad disowning me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
