K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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