I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
