You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
