Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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