i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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