My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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