dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
