Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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