i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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