The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
