i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Farmville is her only friend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
