I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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