did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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