My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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