I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
