My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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