It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
