I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
