she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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