I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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