Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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