i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
